Confusion
by theonebigk
Summary: James finally finds out what Lily wants, only to discover its not what he wanted after all. James/Lily James/Remus


**Confusion. James/Remus**

'Gods,' said James, falling listlessly back. Remus looked up, the hint of a smile twitching the corners of his normally pensive face.

'Trouble, old friend?' he croaked, his voice belaying the aged and worn look that seemed to hang in his very skin.

'Not really Remus – same old, same old to be honest. That Lily Evans could light a fire at a hoops length ya know...' James had lent forward as he spoke Lily's name and he was gazing into the fire as if he could reach in and touch the very flames.

'Look what she's doing to me! It's stupid...' James slumped back into the armchair and started to pick at a frayed patch on the arm, scattering stuffing like the powdery snow outside onto the floor. Remus batted his arm away and drew out his wand. James flinched and leapt back out of the chair, convinced Remus was going to leave him drifting weightless in the air above them if he got the chance. Once more the smile flickered onto Remus' face, throwing the dappled firelight across features,

'Reparo' he muttered with a laugh in his voice, James sighed and darted back into the chair before any of the first years could clamber into his favourite spot. The fabric was still knitting itself back together as he dropped into the seat.

'Sod,' muttered James under his breath, 'I should've known I wouldn't get the chance to move if you really meant it...'

Remus leaned back and spun his wand between his fingers, a jet of flame winged birds shooting into the air and turning cartwheels in time to the rhythmic spins of Remus' wand.

'You know, Moony,' said James quietly under his breath, 'with skills like those we really should get you a girlfriend soon...' Remus flicked his fringe across his eyes and turned away from James.

'Shut it,' he whispered.

'We're not too late are we, Remus?' grinned James, speaking a little louder now and beginning to attract a few stares, 'You've not gone and got yourself a girlfriend, have you?' James was shouting now, and sure enough, without a glance Remus drew his wand, glanced sidelong at James and smirked.

'Whoops' he said, and James shot like a cork from a bottle vertically upwards and bobbed gently a few feet above the ground, laughing hysterically and looking for the entire world as happy as a Niffler in a pot of gold.

'Come on loverboy,' croaked James, hoarse from laughter, 'I want down.' Remus obliged and with a single swoop like a feather dropping in the wind, James descended gently to the floor, only to trip over his robes as he stepped and fall face first into the armchair he just vacated. Laughing manically, James barely heard the choked cry as Remus slipped onto the spiral staircase to the boys' dormitory, but hear it he did.

It was two days after the events in the common room and Hogwarts was seething with rumours about James Potter and his creepy, beat up looking friend. Luckily for Remus there were only a few more days before most people would be heading home for the Christmas break; sometimes he went home with James, just because it was easier, and he could spend a few more days with those few people who accepted him. Sirius, the handsome, daredevil, disappearing for hours at a time with whoever was universally considered the best-looking girl around. Peter, the quiet one, not as brilliant as any of them, not as good-looking as James or Sirius, not as 'windswept and interesting', as James would say, as Remus himself, poor, poor Peter. And lastly, James Potter, who Remus was staring blankly at as he sat at the back of Charms where their little group could always be found. But Remus doubted he could go home with James this year, too many conflicting emotions.

Remus hadn't realised that Professor Flitwick had been asking him a question. Blushing bright red and hearing the gentle sigh from Sirius behind him, Remus began to stutter an answer.

'Erm, the third state of the, erm...' James was whispering something under his breath, out of sight of Flitwick, 'The third law of stable levitation is, is...'

Flitwick sighed heavily under his breath and called to the back of the class, 'Perhaps I had better split you and your boyfriends up Mr Lupin, if you aren't going to concentrate in my class.'

There was a guffaw from Sirius as he raised himself from his reclined pose. 'Please sir,' he said in his usual endearing drawl, 'I thought I asked you not to mention James and Lupin's little adventures with anyone, that was strictly between us!' Typical Sirius, playing on the school joke. Remus squirmed in his seat as the classroom turned to look at him.

James, piped in, 'Anyway sir, haven't you heard about Sirius' exploits? He's singly responsible for the increasing student count, sir.' By this point the class were in hysterics, and the only straight faces in the building were those of James and Sirius, who were gleefully hiding their smiles from each other, aware of the mischief they'd created.

Professor Flitwick removed his spectacles carefully and polished them on the hem of his robe. 'I suppose asking you to go back to work is out of the question now?' he asked, rather hopelessly, 'Very well then, class dismissed.' He called, stepping off of his pile of books and wandering towards the door.

Remus had gone a delicate shade of pink beneath his usual deathly pale skin and James laid a hand on his shoulder as they left the classroom, 'Moony, it was only a joke you know?'

'James, please, can we just leave it, I don't want to talk about it.' Remus shrugged off James' hand and strode down the corridor, displaying a natural ability to disappear that made him so invaluable as a member of the Maruaders.

'You know,' muttered Sirius in his more normal gravely tones, so unusual in a boy of his age, 'If I didn't know better I would say we touched a bit of a nerve with Remus there, he took off faster than a hippogriff with firewhiskey in its beak.'

James glanced around and caught a glimpse of the red hair of Lily Evans slipping through the Charms' classroom door, he ran his fingers twice through his hair and spoke in a voice that he thought held an air of great intelligence and mystery, 'I don't know Sirius, old friend, perhaps we'd best figure it out ourselves.' James sneaked a glance at Lily as she walked past and was greeted by a flick of her hair away from him and an airy laugh that sent the hairs on the back of his neck tingling.

James was brought back to earth with a jolt as Sirius flicked his wand gently and sent a pulse of air towards Lily, it connected with a gentle thump on her rear and she turned, blushing crimson red to find the boy who had slapped her on the arse. Her eyes found James in a couple of seconds, he was just behind her after all and for a moment James could see something there that wasn't just anger or embarrassment, he was just trying to work out what the emotion was, when, with a crack like a giant apparating, Lily's palm connected with the side of James' face and sent him reeling backwards into the arms of Sirius, who was hiding the gleeful expression on his face with very little success.

Two hours later and James was sat on the chairs by the fire in the common room once more, Remus was sat next to him, calm again, muttering soft, song like incantations and gently touching the swollen red skin on James' face. With a gentle sigh like the air leaving a tire the bruise deflated and the skin returned to its normal colour.

Remus, folded his arms and sat back in the chair, still amused by the little incident that had befallen James, 'You know James,' he began, but James cut him off with a stare, Lily Evans was walking past, studiously avoiding James' little group,

'You know what, I'm fed up with Evans and her games.' spat James, he leapt out of his chair and began to chase Lily, who had just stepped out of the portrait hole, 'Hey, Evans!' James shouted, stepping through and continuing at a run down the corridor, 'Evans!' James ran after Lily until he hit a dead end, he hadn't been paying attention and he didn't have a clue where he was, he reached out and tapped the breast plate of a suit of armour, the metallic clang rebounding down the hallway.

He felt the breath on the back of his neck first.

James was about to twist around as the hand reached around to hold his still tender jawline, out of the corner of his eye he could just see the delicate shade of the nail varnish that he knew only Lily wore. His heart beat, already fast from running, leapt at this knowledge, and he could feel his body tense as she began to turn him round.

James had his back to the suit of armour now, and Lily had her hands gently held, one on his jaw and the other placed delicately, low on his stomach. James hardly dared to glance into Lily's eyes, but when he did he saw that same emotion as earlier, still distant, but now more intense, more fiery, more passionate. And as James studied Lily's eyes, she leant in, and gently placed her lips over his, he gasped, opening his mouth slightly, and Lily gently forced his mouth further apart, biting his bottom lip gently as she pulled herself away.

She looked up into James's eyes and slowly, very gently, slid her hand down the final inches of his shirt-covered stomach towards the soft brown leather of his belt. With one movement she flicked the clasp on his belt and let her hand slide further down James torso. James closed his eyes briefly and felt the gentle, involuntary movement of his lower body as Lily found what she had been looking for.

Slowly, holding eye contact, Lily slid to her knees, gently pulling James' trousers down with her. She pressed her body into James and opened her mouth. James bucked and slid his hands to either side of Lily's head, feeling the smooth fall of her hair over his rough hands. Lily smiled and stroked James once, twice, gently teasing the boy, she leaned back and opened her mouth wider, her eyes found James's and she smiled, preparing herself she stroked James once more and gently began to slide him closer and closer to her mouth.

'James, what the hell are you doing?' Lily whipped her body around, getting to her feet in an instant, hiding James condition from view. Remus strode the last few paces around the corner before his brain absorbed the entire scene, his face dropped and he began to take a step back.

'Why look James, what devoted friends you have!' quipped Lily, regaining her composure rapidly, 'I suppose this isn't anything such a devoted friend hasn't seen before? No? Good.' And without waiting for a reply or a comment Lily sprang cat-like to her feet and strolled leisurely around the corridor leaving Remus aghast and ashen faced in front of a half nude James Potter.

James and Remus were still in mutual states of shock as they climbed back through the portrait hole to Gryffindor common room. Only half an hour had passed but the room was now empty except for a devilishly handsome Sirius toasting nuts over the last embers of a once roaring fire and a nervous Peter, scrawling untidy final notes on his blotted but lengthy essay titled 'Transfiguration of Animals, including Animagus'. Sirius looked up and cackled with the hearty laughter that made teachers look round in corridors,

'It really was a party you interrupted wasn't it Moony! Evans wandered back in here just five minutes ago and ordered everyone out, then she saw us two in the corner, glanced at the monometer on the wall and chased a couple of first years up the spiral staircase, we've not seen her since have we Peter?'

James shook his head and wandered up the second spiral staircase that lead to the boys' dormitories, 'Night guys.' he murmured a few moments later from the stairs. Remus was still stood, pale as an inferi, by the portrait hole; barely glancing at Sirius or Peter he followed the sound of James' footsteps up the spiral stairs without a word.

'Well, well, well,' whispered Sirius, more to himself than to Peter, 'looks like we really have got a little situation on our hands doesn't it?'

It was early morning and the Great Hall was almost devoid of life. Most people had already left for the holidays and Remus was perched on one of the benches nearest the front of the hall trying hard not to listen to the very loud whispers he could hear coming from the Slytherin table, most of these whispers revolved around him performing an, act, on James Potter… Remus blushed as he thought again of that night. James had been very good about it, considering how much he felt for Lily. Remus stood up, deciding he could bear the whispers no longer and began to walk towards the Entrance Hall, the pointed laugh of a Slytherin, obviously hilariously amused by the graphic details of the story followed Remus out of the hall. He sighed and blinked, once, twice, calming the surge of anger that he felt whenever he heard James Potter being ridiculed, especially if it was behind his back.

'Remus! Remus! There you are!' the shouts echoed around the Entrance Hall and Remus turned obligingly, even though he would have recognised that voice anywhere. James Potter trotted to Remus' side and swung an arm across his shoulders as he got his breath back. 'Look here Moony, I've been searching all over for you, you could at least have the decency to give me a reply before the last day of term…' Remus kept walking, trying to maintain a look of blank non-comprehension even though he knew precisely what James had meant.

'Come on Moony, I have to tell my parents in the next few minutes whether to expect two or three of us to make chaos!' James smiled nonchalantly and spun Remus around, blocking the corridor, so that the two boys could face each other. Remus felt himself begin to blush again as he gazed at James, perhaps a little too longingly,

'I don't know James, perhaps it's best not… I wouldn't want to intrude…' Remus quickly threw his eyes to the floor, he'd been concentrating too hard on James' lips and he could feel the red tinge beginning to creep back into his cheeks. James rapidly made up Remus' mind for him,

'Look Moony, you know as well as I do you're always welcome, so long as we keep your, furry little problem out of sight, and me and Sirius are more than a match hey? So that settles it, you're coming over for Christmas?' Remus inclined his head slightly to one side; 'Great!' smiled James interpreting this in his own way. He patted Remus once on the back and darted three at a time up the steps at the end of the corridor, 'Main entrance, half-past-ten, Remus. You know how my parents hate to be kept waiting!' called James back down the corridor with a laugh in his voice.

Half-past-ten came and went and James, Sirius and Remus were stood by the winged boars standing guard on either side of the wrought iron gates. All three wore a light smattering of snow from their snowball fights earlier, and looked distinctly dishevelled after an extra half an hour within the school grounds hunting for bowtruckles in the trees within sight of the path. With gentle twin pops, James' parents Charlus and Dorea appeared hand in hand walking down the path from Hogsmeade, all three boys smiled warmly and jogged to meet the couple, Sirius and Remus had no close family and the Potters had been more than happy to accept the two handsome friends of James for dinner as often as possible, for holidays and even for the summer on more than one occasion.

With a wink and a smile the two adults embraced the boys and dissaparated with a crack that would have shamed a house elf, the little trick was exceptionally difficult and was a testament to how great a sorcerers they both were. Remus, always the first to appreciate an exceptional bit of magic smiled at the two of them, 'Nicely done Charly, Doors.' He said quietly, 'Side along instant apparition with a twin destination, very impressive if I may say so…' Charly sighed and ruffled the boys hair,

'As well as that may be, why are you still calling me Charly, please Remus, less formal, Dad if you want…' Remus smiled up at the elder man, his messy black hair so reminiscent of James it was scary,

'If you're sure, Dad…' Charly smiled and hugged Remus tightly, dragging in Sirius and James as well,

'It sure is good to see you lads again, this place is much too quiet.' Charly smiled and opened the door to the cottage with a flick of his wand, 'in we go.' All three boys smiled back at him and Doors and charged haphazardly into the house, quickly becoming familiarized with the layout. James shouted down from the third storey,

'Hey Dad! Which floor are our rooms on now? You've added another one since November!' Without a word from downstairs a silver stag cantered gently past the boys, pausing at the end of the corridor where three doors lined a curve in the wall, the stag dipped its head and disappeared noiselessly.

The three boys walked slowly to the end of the corridor and, by trial and error found the right rooms, within minutes they had congregated in James' room and were discussing their best options for the rest of the afternoon,

'It is a little damp out for Quidditch,' sighed James, looking longingly out of the window,

'Much too cold for anything else.' Muttered Sirius quietly, 'I vote we find the nearest fireplace in this maze your Dad calls a house and work on that map for a bit in the peace and quiet.' Remus and James smiled as they remembered Sirius' pet project, his coupe de grace as a Marauder, a permanent register of where everyone, no matter if ghost, teacher or student was at any time within Hogwarts. The fact that the map was perhaps the single most useful tool as avid a rule breaker as Sirius could ever have was no matter. He had simply phrased the task as a challenge to the other two and within a week the three of them had begun filling in the map, James and Sirius working on the map itself, classrooms, hallways, tunnels, dungeons and every broom cupboard and niche in the school, whilst Remus concentrated on the spell work.

James sighed and sat up, 'I don't know Padfoot, I think we're just waiting on mister, master, spellman over there at the minute, I can't think of anywhere else we need to add.'

'I have to agree with you, nothing left for us until you can work your magic, as the muggles would say, Moony…' Sirius left the question hanging and Remus sensed the anticipation. It just so happened that he had finally worked out the last charm needed, no mean feat, given as it had to know the name of every person inside the school at every moment, without being told.

Remus looked up into his two friends expectant faces and held a straight face for several seconds, eventually the grin he had been hiding burst out, Sirius leapt up with a yelp and raced into his room to fetch the blank bit of parchment that contained the map. Within seconds Sirius had returned, he placed the piece of parchment in front of Remus' folded legs and sat back beside James, watching the expression on Remus' face as he began the long and complex incantation.

Within a minute Remus stopped speaking, his voice dropping to a threatening bass as he grew tired, his last words rang out in the room. James and Sirius held their breath, watching the few dots visible on the map, then, in the neat but cramped script they could all recognise as Remus' own, names began to blossom in scrolls beneath each dot. 'Prfsr. Flitwick' was motionless in the staffroom, 'Rubeus Hagrid' could be seen close to the edge of the map in an area marked Forbidden Forest, and just as Remus was leaping to his feet, a scroll blossomed within Gryffindor common room, the name 'Lily Evans' appearing within it…

The three boys leapt as one into the air and hugged, Sirius broke away and picked up his new treasured toy, almost skipping towards the door he turned, 'Remus, erm, thank you? Do you mind if I, you know, just look at it for a few minutes?' Remus nodded, accepting the praise from his friend, he heard the door click closed just seconds after.

'Best we give him a few minutes with his map do you think?' spoke James softly, his face inches from Remus' own, still embracing him. Remus turned and his breath caught in his throat as he saw how close James was to him. Remus pulled gently away from the taller boy's hug, but James held him firmly to him.

'You really are amazing Remus, you know that?' Remus was feeling distinctly uncomfortable now; he could feel the gentle tightness of his trousers where he had been pressed up against James that little bit too tightly.

'Perhaps I should leave James, or at least go and get Sirius, we shouldn't celebrate without him…' Remus looked down, away from James' too close face, and noticed the distinct tightness in the other boys' trousers as well.

James drew his wand and flicked it towards the door, the bolt clicked gently into place and James dropped his wand to the floor with a gentle clatter. His now free hands reached across and held Remus' face gently, the tough skin from hours of broomstick use catching gently in the short stubble that covered the seventeen year-olds face. Remus gasped lightly,

'James…' James took advantage of the open mouth and leant forward, his lips closed gently around Remus' and he leant forward more, gently brushing the side of Remus lips with his tongue. Remus let out another gentle gasp and James took this as encouragement.

Remus felt his body tense as James pushed him backwards towards the double bed, the edge hit the back of Remus' knees and he folded, falling heavily onto the mattress. James was more careful, pausing at the edge of the bed to slip out of his shirt and trousers to reveal a pair of shorts stretched tight over his bulging erection. Remus smiled up at James and hooked his legs around the other boy, pulling him gently towards the bed, but James stopped, bent down and picked up his wand and with a movement that could only be described as, inviting, beckoned all of Remus' clothes off at once.

Remus was laying naked on the bed now, James stood directly above him. Both boys paused and looked at each other. They had seen each other nude before, quite a few times more than necessary if they were honest about it, certainly more than Sirius was comfortable with. But this was different, the two looked at each other and realised that they both thought this was right,

'But James,' murmured Remus half-heartedly, 'what about Lily, you and her…' Remus tailed off, and James waved away the comment with his hand.

'A mistake.' James whispered, and lay down next to Remus.

Within seconds James had leant in again to Remus, the other boy kissed him back this time and James began to let his hands wander over the other boy's scarred skin. First James gently traced the line of Remus' spine down his back, Remus shivered as James' hand brushed the top of his buttocks; James smiled and gently cupped Remus' behind in his warm hands.

Remus smiled and leant his head forward to rest against James forehead, he looked deep into James' eyes and reached down, gingerly taking the boys penis into one hand and slipping the other around James' waist so his fingers rested lightly on James' hole. With a gentle smile and a push forwards Remus slipped into his friend, James body arched and he thrust through Remus' encircling hand. James gasped and pressed his body back onto the fingers. Slowly as his body relaxed the movement became harder and harder, until, just as he was reaching his climax, Remus took his hands away, James opened his eyes and looked at Remus in a hurt way, his eyes growing wider, Remus' heart leapt into his throat and he began to turn his back to the other boy. James mumbled, sounding hurt, but then he felt Remus' hands reaching down again.

Remus held James in both hands, and drawing his knees up towards his chest, pressed the other boy against his relaxed and ready opening. James leant forwards and turned Remus' head so that he could kiss him gently, halfway through the kiss James arched his back and slipped into Remus.

Both boys moaned gently as the first waves of pleasure struck them.

James lifted his hand from Remus' face and tenderly gripped his shaft, he slid his other arm underneath Remus and cupped his testicles. Remus let out another little groan, more of a moan, and pressed himself back onto James.

Slowly, the boys found a rhythm with each other, James held Remus tightly in his arms and continued to thrust smoothly, within minutes the gentle motion had both boys on the edge. Remus leant his head back and kissed James open mouthed, his tongue delving into the other boy's mouth and driving James wild with the passion behind it. The kiss pushed James over the edge and with a moan he came, Remus followed suit and showered James' clean bed spread.

There was a vigorous knock at the door, 'Hey you guys, I must have tripped the latch on my way out, can one of you beautiful people let me back in?' Sirius voice was dripping with insincerity, and knowing him it wouldn't be long before he got bored and cursed the door into a pile of ashes.

James leapt out of the bed and grinned at Remus, 'be there in a minute Padfoot, just getting something out of the cupboard!' James was hurriedly pulling on his clothes now, and Remus quickly joined him, one leg in his trousers Remus began to hop towards the door. James was stood by the cupboard, its door open.

With a bang, the door flew inwards, just as Remus had buttoned up the last stretch of his jeans, Sirius was stood in the doorway, looking mildly disappointed. 'Not even locked with magic!' he scoffed, walking in and assessing the door, 'no damage done, don't worry James!' James pulled his head out of the cupboard with a grin and withdrew a bottle of firewhiskey, half empty,

'I propose a toast!' cried James, 'to dear Remus, the most masterful wizard we have the misfortune to meet!' Three glasses whistled out past James ears and the bottle began to decant itself above their heads, before settling down onto the floor with a decidedly empty clunk.

'Dear Remus' chanted the three boys, clinking glasses, Remus looking decidedly awkward.

'Heaven forbid James, more talk like "Dear Remus" people will be taking the rumours seriously that you and Moony here are at it…' Sirius smiled at his own joke and knocked back his tumbler of firewhiskey, scowling as it hit his throat and standing to walk over to the bed.

James and Remus were both on their feet as well, luckily Sirius was still in a daze of happiness and didn't appear to notice the mutter of 'scourgify' whispered by both James and Remus as they approached the bed.

'God James, I don't think your mum's particularly keen on you any more, look at the state of your bed, not even made! Perhaps it was that joke owl you sent home? The one that exploded because it got wet?' James smiled at the memory and pulled the sheets on his bed straight,

'Yeah, perhaps…' he smiled at Remus, winking as he tucked in the sheet at its corners.

Sirius pretended not to notice that the two boys were wearing each others jeans.


End file.
